When people borrow my laptop/handphone, my body undergoes a visceral reaction. I have to pry my hands off the device and hand it over, almost through gritted teeth and clenched fists. Then the resistance fades to helplessness and fear,
what will they find?
what will they say?
what will they think of me?
It scares me. It scares me to think my friends, siblings, mentors, teachers, might actually find out who I really am. A sick, broken, sexually impure being. Even in the past 2 weeks that I have been free of pornography, that fear still grips me, even though I know there is no internet history that I even have to erase.
Oh how I long to be clothed by You!
What joy and comfort there must have been for Adam and Eve, to have their sins covered!
Blessed is the one whose transgression is forgiven,
whose sin is covered.
Blessed is the man against whom the Lord counts no iniquity,
and in whose spirit there is no deceit.
Yet I have been covered by better clothes, by a better Sacrifice.
Can a woman forget her nursing child,
that she should have no compassion on the son of her womb?
Even these may forget,
yet I will not forget you.
Covered, always covered. Strip away all my fig leaves, all my man-made clothes – bare my spirit before You! There is no need to hide from Your light; it is where I find life. Cover me in Your righteousness, that I may stand in confidence before You and man.
Let me remember that I wear heavenly clothes now.